All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
