did you get engaged???
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
