I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
