just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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