The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
