Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
