im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
