I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize