I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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