At least make sure they are 18
Why
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
