no, he came in my armpit
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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