Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
