i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
