I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
