if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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