apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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