It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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