the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
