too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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