She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just google imaged poop.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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