Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
