Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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