It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
