when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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