remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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