Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize