Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
