He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
