i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
