My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
