bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize