Whod you bang
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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