Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
