I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
