She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
