so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
