So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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