Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
