no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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