She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
