Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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