Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize