Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
