Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
