I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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