my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my being single is dangerous.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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