I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
