If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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