i barfeds in our rink
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
