I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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