i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
