New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
