Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
