How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
