Just fell off a train. Bad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
