I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
