My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize