Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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