We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As shirtless as possible
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
