Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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