I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize