do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
