I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
