he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
