Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
