ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize