Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
