We named our party play list daddy issues
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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