I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
