Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize