Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sober January is a disaster.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
