i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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