break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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