How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
