I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
