it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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