shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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