I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
