At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize