What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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