i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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