The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
