he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
