I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
