just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize