i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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