I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize