I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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