That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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