Fine. I'll sleep in my office
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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