No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
