Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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