dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
