Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
