at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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