i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
