This girl is more easily done than said...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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