the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
