You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
