Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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