i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
