It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
