Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
