I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
