You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
