carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
