NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize