no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
