Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
